A Letter to a Literary Agent

Dear literary agent I had high hopes of,

I must own myself surprised by the contents of your letter. I think there may have been some misunderstanding. 

You mentioned that my punctuation needs work, I must respectfully disagree, with that. As for my speling, I think if you take another look you’ll find there’s nothing rong with it. And I can’t believe my sentence structure you say is all backward! 

You also said the plot is too confusing. Let me summarize it simply for you: 

The story is a family saga spanning eleven generations, from regency England, which is all about making suitable marriage alliances, to the future, where the human race migrates into space due to the destruction of the earth by nuclear weapons and they must fight aliens and find a new planet suitable for supporting life. It’s made even more exciting by the fact that my tenth generation protagonist can time travel, and morph into other characters at will. The whole thing is a mere 600,000 words. And, as you can see, it’s perfectly easy to grasp. 

In conclusion, I think what you actually meant to write was that you want to sign me immediately and have full confidence that you can sell my book for an enormous sum. I do demand at least a seven figure advance. 

Yours sincerely, 

A disgruntled author. 


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